I feel so. horribly. lonely. today.
I know we do this as grown ups, I know we move, we change, we grow, we settle down, but I can't help but feel like I'm going to combust sometimes at how isolating it is to go from bustling Boston with a billion roommates and friends to a suburb in the midwest with a boyfriend who is a resident at a hospital. I am trying to be patient... and not act selfishly... but would it be terrible to close my eyes and dream of flying through these next few months and getting back to New England? Maybe... debateable I suppose.
I'll probably regretting posting this later, but for now, I am working on a sleepless night and churning stomach.
So c'est la vie.
This is so not in keeping with my theme of "presence" but we all fall off the wagon sometimes I guess. And writing helps, so write I will.
I think the opposite, my dear. Presence is about feeling where you are at any moment in time. So you're in Boston a little bit, you're in Maine a little bit, and you're in Indy a lot of bits. It's okay to think about yourself (and I wouldn't call it "selfish" at all).
ReplyDeleteRecognizing that you are lonely will motivate you to go out and do something and meet people, and what has more presence than that?
xoxox
Thanks, lady... sometimes I look back on these "downer" posts the day after I write them and cringe/contemplate deleting them, but I feel like it's dishonest to have a blog like like this without being totally upfont about what's going on, you know? And I like how you think about things. I guess it's important to remember that presence doesn't mean forgetting where you're from or who you are, but in taking all those pieces of you and bringing them to the moment and place you're in. I like that!
ReplyDeleteI had some good talks last night and feel a lot better now.. xoxox